So my last post had me positively trying to fight out of the funk I felt myself falling into. I was fighting my personal belief that I still really was sick, and I thought day to day things would just become more normal.I continued to complain to doctors every week about the growing discomfort and pain I was in, and finally one of my doctors took me seriously. (they were not being negligent, there were reasons to excuse every symptom I was having.) The doctor did like the way I was describing headache pain and dizziness, so she ran some neurological tests, and after thinking there was no problem, ordered an MRI just to rule out anything serious. One week ago, I got the news that they found some small brain tumors. It is all just guessing about how and when it spread , but I had the feeling that this was the news I would get, so I went to the Dr. Appointment alone, not to upset anyone else.
They have treatment for all this and they are treating it quite aggressively. The treatment is not fun or a day at the park, but at least there is a treatment. I am dealing with it, it just still feels like a bump in the road, even though it is happening to me, It feels like it is a movie I am watching. I will just continue to remind myself that I am way too lazy to get upset over this. And I will continue to visualize all the nutty things some people might do to despair in this situation so that I can laugh and not do them myself.
I will up my supplications for you all in this time of hardship, hoping Allah will give you all exactly what you need to be successful. I ask an extra dua or 2 from each of you durring this last part of Ramadan. I ask Allah to not let this hinder me from being a good person to others, a good muslim for myself, and a productive and competent mother and teacher.
Allah is the best of healers, and the best of judges.