So, I have been procrastinating posting for the past month or so, just trudging through this part of my treatment- Radiation. Its not as bad as I thought it would be, Alhamdullilah. It has some side effects, but nothing in comparison to chemo.
I have the key to sanity and well being for cancer patients-LAZINESS and PROCRASTINATION. When I was going through the pain of chemo, that terrible intense bone pain that some drugs cause, I would sit in my chair and what I would do is try to visualize myself rolling around on the floor pulling out my hair and screaming. Well, after a few minutes of this, it seemed quite asinine, and I repeated this every time the pain got too bad to handle. If i ever became sad, I would sit and visualize myself sobbing and seriously loosing it, until it seemed almost comical. Its alot easier for the lazy person to sit and imagine something instead of getting up and actually doing it. So laziness actually saved me alot of grief.
Lately, I feel at the end of my rope, like I am on the edge of the mental breakdown cliff and I am ready to take a dive. The visualization of the mental breakdown doesn't work so well. I tried to visualize myself in the straight jacket in the white padded room, bouncing around and banging into the walls. This didn't make me feel any better, go figure? So, I decided I would have to get a new method of getting through the latest depressed feelings.
What has seemed to work so far is to do the following: When I start to go nuts, I tell myself, not today, I will allow you to break down tomorrow. The next day I say the same thing. Who knew that being queen of procrastination would ever come in handy?
You know, I know there is light at the end of the tunnel, and at times I feel close to seeing that light, but other times I feel that this is lasting and will last forever. If I am not being treated for it in the future, I fear I will have the constant nagging fear that recurance is on the doorstep. But you know, instead of dwelling on this tonight, I think I will sleep and dwell on it tomorrow. Procrastination wins once more.
It's like I always say: Why should I bother to do today what I can easily put off till tomorrow?