So it's Friday, and that means as I go through my day at school (teaching second grade at the local Islamic school) there are tons of extra people around that I do not see every day. So this is the day to prepare an answer to the ever pressing question "How are you doing?"
Honestly, It is not that I mind the question really, It only means that people care. The problem is, as a person going through chemotherapy, I am not even sure how I feel. Reality is that how I feel changes every five seconds. The fluctuation is so much, that within ten minutes, if I answer the question ten times, I may give ten different answers. So I have reverted to the failsafe "alhamdullilah!" Can't go wrong there now, can you?
I feel that I push myself way beyond what my actual abilities are right now, or rather beyond what I really should do. The reason why is I really feel terrible to be looked at with pity. I don't want for people to feel sorry for me. I guess I feel that Allah has tested me with this for some reason, and if that is so, people should not feel sorry for me. I'm tough, and I believe in what Allah has for me. In order to minimize the people who become sad, I push through the pain and this actually becomes a big help in day to day progress in the fight against this illness. I think it also helps others increase their faith in the fact that Allah can truly make the hardest things easy.
I ask Allah to make things easy for all the Muslims in whatever hardship they find themselves in. Ameen.....