Feeling more human....

As-salaam alaykum all. I decided to remove the blog because I was feeling like it was a constant pity party. Well, now that I am beginning to feel more like myself everyday, i figure I will give it another go. I realize I will still have a ton of Doctors appointments over the next 6 months or so, but just to feel a little more like my old self is a reason for celebration in my own opinion. Maybe I can focus on the things I am getting back to, like almost 24 hours without a pain pill, or the fact that I can wear shoes that I love and have been mourning while looking at my massively swollen feet for the past 8 or 9 months (my favorite doc martens and second favorite Mary Jane Birks.)

So for now I will focus on making a list of all the things that I am getting back to. I am sure everyone is with me in my fight back to normalcy.

Pearl of wisdom....

Do you have one of those friends who always says what you need to hear, even when it isn't what you want to hear? I do. I have one of those awesome friends who knows what I need to hear, and can read my mind to know when i need to hear it. MashaAllah, It is such a blessing to have someone in your life who calls, shows up, and does what you need when you need it, without question, complaint or want of reward. To you: you know who you are, Thank you (and your children) for always being here for me. I know I don't say it enough.

So the pearl of the day was- " Well, you can't finish something if you don't start it." I was told this as I was foot dragging before this last round of new radiation that was to begin today. Seven more radiation treatments like the one today, and radiation is over, bi'ithnillah. So this pearl of wisdom seems so obvious and simple, but in its simplicity, it hit me in such a deep way. Maybe it was the new sleeping pills, or the pain pills, or a combination of both, but I had a clear moment.

I ask Allah to surround us all with good friends, and as for my good friend, I ask Allah to give her all the best in this life and the hereafter.

Please fill out this list of drugs you are taking...

Well, anyone with an illness that involves long term treatment has heard this before. They have one pre-printed out for me. They have me add to it, or subtract from it every time i see any doctor. It is so flipping insane. Well, the main reason it is insane is no one seems to even look at it.

They never say, "oh I see you added this new med, why? What new symptoms are you having to need this?" I see so many doctors, and they all treat different side effects. WHY do they make me take the time to fill this out if no one is checking it.

So I have this bright idea. I think next time I go to the doctor I will add 2 new meds: the first will be a dime bag of weed per day and the second will be 2 hits of crack rock per week. Then I will know ford sure how many people look at these sheets. Now I must add that I have never and will never have marajuana or crack in my life. Just for all you out there with good suspicions.

With a little over a week left in this blasted radiation, I really am beginning to understand discomfort. I am happy to be at the end of the road with it, so that all my wounds can hopefully begin to heal up once its over. The light at the end of the cancer treatment tunnel is starting to shine a little bit brighter. I feel I might just make it out of here. Alhamdullilah for everything!