15 down, 1 to go , and date set for surgery!

Ok, so only one more fun chemo treatment to go, then three weeks later I will have the surgery. Date is set for April 14th. You know, I really thought all decisions would be made today when i saw the surgeon. I thought for sure I would leave there with the peace of mind at least knowing what would be done and approximately when. Well, let's just say that things didn't exactly go that way.

Still, no final decisions have been made for the long run, everything remains a big maybe. Well things for the 14th of April are final, but more than that, no decisions, it all depends on pathology. One great thing that came out today was that as soon as the surgeon saw me, she said that my swollen arm was lymph edema, and that i need to start physical therapy to get it under control before surgery. I am hopeful now that this problem will be controlled soon.

They said the stay in the hospital for mastectomy patients is one night, or possibly two if you are really doing poorly. I really hope i can whine enough to get to stay two nights. I cant fathom going home after only one night in the hospital. With my two little kids here, I can imagine they will be jumping all over me and making me crazy. I think i would stay a week if they would let me.

Short post tonight, just wanted to keep all you inquisitive minds up to date.

14 down, 2 to go!

Yes, you read it right! 2 more treatments left, wal-hamdullilah. Two more treatments until surgery and then radiation. I will still have to go every 3 weeks for herceptin treatments until January. However, these treatments only take 30 minutes, and have no side effects. For now, I am looking forward to the days of hair, less pain, and more energy. This may be slightly too optimistic, it could be a good while before any of these things are back to normal for me. The way I look at it is this- it doesn't hurt to be optimistic at this point.

I have to make all the big decisions about surgery this week on Thursday, and for this i keep constantly asking Allah's guidance. I just need to realize that whatever I am doing, it will be the best for my chances of recovery and no recurrence, so whatever the bad that comes with it, I will just have to deal. Is it naive to believe that the doctors will tell me what my best options are?I am sure there are those out there who would advise me not to have treatment at all, or at least not to trust the doctors. I know there are even those out there who would advise others against chemotherapy. I do not belittle their concerns, I can say firsthand that chemo is not healthy. On the other hand, with an aggressive form of cancer, time is not abundant to explore options and to try things that are not proven to work.

Is it short sighted to believe in myself and those around me that no matter what is done, I will pull together with those close to me and just grin and bear it? I don't think so, and until someone wants to tell me otherwise, I will just keep grinning through my last treatments, and probably straight into the operating room. I have found, when you are happy and joking with nurses and doctors, you actually get remembered more, better treatment, and alot of extra kindness.

Hope to update you all after thursday's appointment with dates and recovery times of surgery....

In and out of the hospital again!

So.... well, after checking in with the nurse to tell her the antibiotics were not helping my swollen arm, she asked me to stop by their clinic. I did so, and they said it no longer looked like infection, they thought it was a blood clot, and they wanted to hospitalize me to watch me and do more tests. They were sure it was a blood clot just like they were sure it was an infection. After the tests they were sure it was not a blood clot, and then thought there must be a mass in my lungs, so they ordered more tests. Thankfully, there was no such lung mass. So now I have the docs puzzled. They can't figure out what happened, and they have no idea where the swelling is coming from- this also means they can't figure out how to fix it. It is rather painful, and looks similar to a latex glove blown up.

So back tomorrow for more chemo. And they blew so many veins in the hospital, that I have no idea where they will be able to do the chemo. If I were to play the if game, I would rewind and have them give me a port, so that my veins would still be slightly intact. 4 treatments to go, and then on to the next leg of the journey. I am happy to be home, asking all of you for your good thoughts and du'aa.